Destined to be a Drifter?

I don't like the feeling of being tied down or the obligation to stay in one place. I guess you could say I'm anti-committal. Is this one of the reasons i fear work? Maybe? Is becoming a drifter my destiny, roaming the open highways in search of new adventures? It actually sounds pretty awesome. Fighting scrappy hobos for food and a place around the fire... keeping a knapsack on a stick over my shoulder, filled with worthless personal treasures. Riding the rails to cities across the continent. Bathing in aqueducts, drinking my own or an others urine out of necessity... or pleasure. Learning how to gamble. Receiving medical attention from a magical gypsy witch. All of that sure beats the proverbial pants off of the day to day tied down life that most people lead.

Most of your life as a youth is geared toward earning a full-time CAREER... You were trained young to learn, not survival skill of old per say, but the nerdery and know how to make something of yourself (even though few will notice) in this modern world we live. The harder you work the more responsibility you gain, which means you have to work that much harder. Tearing your personal time away from you. You're getting wealthier, and after all, isn't that the goal?

Now that you're earning the cash flow of a respected well to do worker bee, you can spend... if you haven't already started in hopes of eventually having the money. Buy a house, get a car, a sweet phone, pay for cable. Make sure to spend almost as much as you make, sometimes more. The more expensive and shiny your possessions the more attention you will get from your peers so any price is worth it. The more financial obligations you have the more locked down you are to the career you now find miserable. Then one day you wake up a 6 am to get ready for work, look in the mirror and realize, you're 80lbs heavier than you were in high school and you wish you still had the ability to grow your hair out even though you'd look ridiculous, your wife is now morbidly obese, but still insists you sleep in the same bed, you have three spoiled snot nosed kids that nobody thinks are cute and another screaming pooping baby. Now you've gone and done it... Your balls are in a pair of rusty vice-grips and there is no way out. If you're lucky you won't also have a yapping dog.

As appealing as all this sounds to some, i just can't come to terms with settling into a cycle such as this and am leaning to becoming a drifter or hobo. While being a roamer may have it's down sides... you do get to carry around a handkerchief on a stick and isn't that something that each of us has always wanted to do?

Dream on dreamer!

The Gar

Work Fuckin' Blows!

For those of you who don't know me personally, my work history is sparse at best. Usually trying to find the easiest means to get a dollar, hard work was rarely on my agenda and never on my mind. Earning money was hardly attractive enough to me to make working a priority.
Growing up I was in charge of purchasing my own school clothes by earning money from the summer job my father provided. I was the sawdust sweeper on various construction sites. It was pretty miserable, but i was too young at the time to fully realise. I worked off and on doing similar work throughout my teenage years, more off than on. At the age of 19 i was employed by Jesus, on my dad's dollar, to share the good word with peoples in a far away kingdom... It was a steady job with steady income and since it was a 3rd world destination I lived like a king, relative to the natives of course. Upon my return to the motherland after a spat of unemployment i worked as a lift operator at a swanky ski resort, arguably my first real job. I grew bored about 3 months in and decided to go back to the construction industry, not out of any kind of desire, but out of ease and connections with the boss man. Framing a large home in SLC. This was the first time I'd worked full time hours for longer than a couple weeks. It was also my longest running term of employment at about 6 months. That was 6 years ago... Those 6 years were spent in Europe racing a bicycle as both an amateur and a professional, sometimes making enough to get buy and other times not.
Now that I'm at least semi-retired from the world of cycling, i have had to earn cash flow by other means. Doing odd jobs of finish work on houses, etc. I have once again come to the conclusion that most if not all work totally blows ass. I can't see how someone can get any satisfaction out of giving up their entire day to go do work for someone either richer or more stupid than them and most often times both. Letting their lives pass them by, getting fat and unhealthy, stressing about work and money and never getting as many breaks or vacations as they want. Now i'm motivated again to continually make my life a vacation.
Work on, suckers.

I probably deserve it...

There is a lot of things people would be ecstatic to receive... An awesome job, a suitcase full of money, free airfare for life, a bitchin' car, a free gigantic house, whatever. These things would be totally sweet and most normal people would probably shit all of their innards out till they were just a hollow shell of a human from sheer excitement at getting some sort of sweet freebie. You know what? I would not only not shit all of my innards out, i wouldn't even flinch or feel even the slightest surge of excitement and you know why? Cause i deserve all of that stuff anyways!
If i woke up one morning to discover that Bill Gates had put 1 billion dollars in my bank account, i would probably just keep on doing what i was doing before... whatever the hell i feel like. I might spend more money, in fact i most undoubtedly would, and i would be more careless than i already am with it, but i would quite possibly forget to say thank you on the grounds that i deserve everything good this world has to offer. I don't know where these feelings come from, most probably from my superiority complex that i have had since a young child. I won't usually tell people i am better than them to their face, but i am. I am radder, better looking, funnier, classier, sexier, smarter and more bad ass than anyone i know or know of... ANYONE!!! That is why i am quite confident that if i just hang out and wait eventually wealth will fall in my lap, my life will continually kick ass and i will keep getting exponentially better than everyone else in any way that is of importance.

I still kick ass and thought you should know,

the gar

How does Robin Williams get paid?

There are quite a few funny people in the world. I enjoy watching these people in films, listening to them perform their sketches or routines. Some hilarious beings aren't even famous, but they should be. That is why I can't understand when someone who is clearly not funny at all is relatively famous. This time I'm not pointing fingers at all of the female "comedians" of the world... I am talking about Robin Williams.

I recently saw Mr. Robin Williams on MTV's TRL along with Elijah Wood promoting some new animated movie that they do voice overs for. The entire time Mr. Williams was doing these stupid voices that didn't resemble any person in particular while squishing his head down towards his torso making his neck all but invisible and rambling on repeating stupid little sayings that were obviously made up by him because they are too dumb to be real sayings. Elijah Wood was cracking up the whole time while Robin did these lame ass voices. Then the folks at TRL challenged Elijah to keep straight faces for 1 minute while Robin tried to make him laugh... After 15 seconds Elijah spewed spit everywhere as he busted up to Williams poorly performed imitation of Gulum... That bit is a little old, is it not? This display proved to me, not only that Williams is pretty much humorless, but so is Wood.

Every time I have ever seen Robin in a film or a talk show he is doing the same damned thing... Squishing his neck and making these stupid voices that aren't all that far from his real voice. Way to go dude, you just said a joke that wasn't funny at all in a voice that wasn't funny either. Do two negatives make a positive? Maybe... In all truth, the funniest movie I've ever seen with Robin Williams in it is Insomnia where he co-stars along side Al Pacino.

How do people like this still have jobs? Do people think he is funny? Who are these people? Why am I not the most famous person in the world? Does anyone have the answers to these questions?

Tis the Season... Killing Season!

That's right! We are in the middle of the deer hunt here in the Utah. Manly men and women migrate to the hills in hopes of putting a large animal carcas in their freezer to let it sit and slowly become less for the entire year. Their kids will have some delicious deer jerky as snacks, deer stakes for dinner, some kind of sandwich with deer meat for lunch and probably deer eggs for breakfast. As my parents mansion is nestled near the gateway to the uintas, i get to witness the deer hunt for all it's glory. Comunities of tents and campers line the woods and trails, camo and florecent orange are the only fashion in these squatter villages. I can't help wonder why the hell these guys even need camo. You're wearing a bright florecent vest!!! I almost have a seisure just looking at that intense of a color, why do you need camo underneath it! Are deer not startled by what appears to be a bright orange floating vest? Are deer color blind? If so, why use camo at all? I guess camo is purely traditional much like lumberjacks and plad fleece.

Breastual implants...

Milk bladder augmentation has become increasingly popular over the last couple of decades. What started out as a trend for slutty female pornstars trying to bump up to the next tax bracket has now become so common place that it's not unusual for a girl to get a new set of boobies along with her new ride on her sweet sixteen. Most of us think nothing of it now days, as long as the size of these prosthetic nipple mounts isn't ridiculously over proportioned to the females figure. I'm not saying this is a good or bad. If having a fake pair of perfect boobs is going to make a girl feel better about who she is, give her confidence, and maybe find her a boyfriend, then by all means get those chichis. If a young fraulein is content with her natural bosoms then that perhaps shows a stronger more confident woman, or one who doesn't have the financial means to get big plastic titties. Anyways what I wanted to say was most of us might not think that getting implants is too bizarre, but I am trying to imagine what someone from a culture where this is considered commonplace thinks of making a tiny incision in the belly button and cramming a ball of gooey plastic, under the skin, up into each boob with a stick. I venture to say that what is considered attractive and normal by one culture may indeed be labeled as freakish by another.

Why women aren't funny.

Have you ever watched a female "comedian" on a Comedy Central standup special and thought to yourself, "she isn't funny" or "who the hell is that?" Think about it. Off the top of your head, who is your favorite female comedian? How long did that take? Did you have to google search "Female" and "comedian" to come up with an answer? Well i did, and i bumped into this choice quote by Joan Rivers... "THERE IS NOT ONE FEMALE COMEDIAN WHO WAS BEAUTIFUL AS A GIRL." I venture to go one step further to say "There is not one female comedian who can actually be classified as a comedian." I'm not saying there isn't a clever girl out there, or none that can crack a joke, what i am saying is there isnt a female out there who should make a living off being hilarious.
Maybe it's their up bringing... they are supposed to be proper, polite, dainty creatures and when they go against that, it isn't natural. It's like a person who doesnt ever curse saying shit or maybe something even worse. In a way it's amusing, but it is so unnatural that it is more painful than anything. A lot of humor today is shock humor. When a man talks about something perverted it is usually funny. When a woman talks about something perverted it is usually just gross. Is society to blame for that or are women just inferior when it comes to hilarity?
Perhaps humor is a genetic trait void in a females DNA structure. Men and women are different genetically and maybe humor is one of the differences.
Perhaps i am being too harsh and like most things in life, females need to have a complete seperate bracket from the men to excel at what they do. One thing is for sure, looking at a set of hot boobs is way better than hearing a joke told by the best of female comedians.